wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
