mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
