East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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