they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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