You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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