After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
