New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
