you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
