explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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