If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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