paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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