dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
