your parents love me but you hate me
she was so not down for the gang bang
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
