She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
