okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
