hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
