He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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