apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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