look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just invented taco cereal.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
