Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
