I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
