Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
