I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
