I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
