The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
