no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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