Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
