Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
