I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
