Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
