I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
