No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
