haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
