So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
