I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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