the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
