Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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