All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
