I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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