the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
