I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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