can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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