spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
