Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
