Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
