yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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