i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
