Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
