omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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