guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
