I just pynch a tree in the face
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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